Thursday, December 5, 2013

The First Battle and the Last Battle

To end the global genocide that came as a result of the Iraq War, we are standing on the concept that genocides occur on every level, and evolve the same way, and by addressing genocides that occur on the individual level and the family level that occur within our own lives, we can speak from our own experience as advisors to governments. 

Romantic attachments turn into genocides because neither party has the same goal, and as that becomes apparent, they rely on the power games learned during their childhood to coerce the other to go along with their dream-life plan. The first battle is when an event that demonstrates their diverging life-plans occurs, and one stands on the principles and the other on the games.

A series of battles occur until one overpowers the other, and he or she either dies or walks away. The battles are called the Battles of Armageddon, because they relate to the “end of life” crisis, and for some people, losing one’s family is the same as losing his or her life. Family relationships un-empower people, and so it is a matter of losing one’s power base.

Standing on the principles threatens the security and the support of the one who stands on the games, and the one who is relying on the games continues to draw in others in defense. It becomes a matter of revenge at this point. The last battle is when the family has been so torn apart that the one who stands on the principles is driven out of the family, because everything he or she attempts to do to resolve the conflict just makes things worse.

It is not always easy to know who is standing on the principles and who is standing on the games. Both sides may believe they are standing on the principles, and the one who is standing on the games may believe he or she lacks compassion, and looks from it outside the family. This can make the family vulnerable to someone who has prejudice and ulterior motives to undermine the family.

To end a genocide, someone must stand up and say “stop,” but if a potential advocate does not have the same goal, he or she can reinforce the conflict. A true advocate must defend the one who stood on the principles, and the family, because he or she is speaking from experience, declaring that it is time to stand on the principles of conflict resolution because it is a matter of rights to have a relationship with one’s family. 

What makes it possible to end the conflict is a sense of equality has come about, and an event has come along that makes conflict resolution necessary. It is a matter of a win-win agreement between advocates to end the conflict. One helps the other to regain family relationships.

Our Conflict Resolution brochures explain how to resolve this crisis, step by step. They can be found in pdf format at

Karen Holmes,